sad day finding my past

where is nellie german?!! i can't find her and i have a nice bad poem for her. god bless her and her facial surgery

blabetty blabb

it is safe to write anything i want because i think everyone gave up on me. i didn't write for ages and ages and nobody checks to see if i am still breathing.

my job is stressful, but that's life. i am so happy because i have such a great opportunity. i don't care if it is stressful and if it is hard to still make dinner and spend time with my kids. i do it all because i want to. the thing that i don't make time for is housework. i'm not sure i ever made time for it even when i was a stay at home mom.

we just hired a top notch scientist who quit pfizer rather than move to Connecticut. he has to work directly with me, so i'll get to learn from one of the best. i'm not sure i ever expected to feel fulfilled and happy with my life. i guess i feel good at the promise and opportunity i have. there's always a chance i'll do really bad at the job and my kids will grow up to be jerks because they have a work-addicted mom. but i'll dwell on the frightening possibilities when it all starts going south. for now, everything is great, and i'm going to work as hard as i can to learn as much as i can, because i feel like i am really getting old.

anything that is really good is always hard to get. you can't get it if you don't work for it. when i imagine the kind of person i want to be, i am actually moving toward that illusion. i was going backwards for a long time, but now i am finally becoming the kind of person i have always wanted to be. that's pretty sappy to say, but what is a moment of self-reflection for anyway?

shame on me

i haven't checked my blog for a very very long time and i missed postings by the former and still fab bass player of queerdddys, meat-ball! i hang my head in shame. i tried to post to meat-ball's site but it's just an empty storefront. meat-ball, are you out there??!!

so what have i been up to? i just work all the time and my kids are getting weirder than ever. that's ok because when look back at my own storied childhood, i think i may also have been slightly atypical, even though i still fit into the general rural community as a hillbilly, and wasn't particularly known as a sensitive artist. in fact, i may never have been known as a sensitive anything...

so, is anybody still checking this site?

supermom, i am not

i am working 40 hrs a week now and my tearful 4 year old is in daycare. the house is worse than ever and we are eating takeout and vending machine food all the time. it's every bit as bad as i thought it would be and sometimes even worse. but i am a real person again, and i like it. maybe my quirky kids will become axe murderers now that i can't smother them with attention and advice learned from new age child-rearing books. it's the good old school of hard knocks, just like the one that i went to. (well, maybe it is a little cushier than my hard knocks school)

ack

i ran the race and felt great, then i stepped right back into life again. checking out day care centers, trying to put back chemistry knowledge that has leached out of my brain, etc... i will go in to start preliminary work stuff next week. it feels stressful, but i have to remind myself that my boss is just mitch (he would be irritated if he read that)and we're all doing fine and not dead in iraq or daurfor or some god awful place like that. if everything sucks and life gets too complicted, the kids will be late for school and we will eat too much take-out food, and probably drink too much booze and sleep not enough, but that's not so bad. my brain has turned to mush, so it's time to firm it up again.

anyway, dearlovelyheart needs advice for her 5K from the voice of experience el suzo who has now officially run one 5K race. well, i probably don't need to tell you, but lay off the booze! it worked for me. try to run the real course at least once or twice (and don't forget to time yourself). don't run two days before the race. get lots of rest and drink lots of water ahead of time. don't try to drink water during the race or at the water stations (unless you really really need to) because it will slow you down and mess up your pace. that's all of my sage advice. i hope i got it to you before the race actually takes place.

that is all for now and maybe for a little while as i reacclimate to being a working person. and no i still can't use the spell check button and i'm not even going to proof read this post, so please take pleasure in all my typos.

here is mitch trying to keep up with freddy in the museum mile!

5k is over

ok, the dino dash is over, and i finished in 27 min. 55 sec!! yahoo. i'll write later because right now i got some wine to drink.